WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
