no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
