I just saw a hot homeless man
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
