the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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