I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
