It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
