sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
