I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
