the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i need some magic done to my vagina
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
