he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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