is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
