Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
