One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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