Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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