the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
