i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
