I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
