On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
