Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
