I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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