I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
