Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
