Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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