When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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