tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
