now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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