You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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