Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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