Just took my morning after pill in the library
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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