well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
