i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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