I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
