Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
