I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
