There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
