my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
