vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
