He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
