i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
