Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
