Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
