Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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