It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
