please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
