There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
