Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
