I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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