im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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