Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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