dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
