Just cropdusted the office
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
