got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
