Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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