I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
